Monday, 7 February 2011

Large Blacks indeed!

These little pigs came just before Christmas.

I don't normally mind Emma getting more pigs, as long as they know their place. These pigs, however, are getting on my wick!

'We're Large Blacks' they keep saying as though that's supposed to impress me.

When I treated this coment with the contempt it deserved they went on to say that some chap called Parkinson once said 'They are distinguished by their gigantic size, they are the largest of the kind I have ever seen'.

Well all I can say is he should have gone to Spec Savers. These pigs are not Large Blacks, they are Barely Bigger than a Bucket Blacks!


Saturday, 1 January 2011

2011? - No way!!!

When Emma came to see me this morning, she admired my new born piglets (as they are very beautiful) and then she said "It's 2011 now Acorn".

We'll I know I've had a lot of piglets over the years, but there's no way I've had 2011.

Don't they even teach them how to count at school!


Monday, 4 October 2010


Emma has committed a most horrendous crime. With the autumn setting in we have been treated with a feast of acorns, or at least we would have been if she hadn’t gone and stolen them. She took a great big bucket and scooped them all up into it before carrying it away!

Since when did she think they were hers? They’re called ACORNS for a reason.


Thursday, 9 September 2010

Berry’s Brilliant Guide to a Sunny September

Despite the pouring rain over the last couple of weeks, the first few days of September have been scorching. So, as a kind and generous pig, I came up with a brilliant idea to help you all out – I decided I would write you a five step guide to enjoying the weather while it lasts.

1. Casually role over a large amount of turf with your nose, ensuring you look perfectly relaxed and therefore impressing the others with the great strength of your snout.
2. Once the area has been de-grassed snuffle around in the mud to eat up all of the roots you can find – delicious!
3. The next step is to show off your snout again, digging a great deep trench in the mud, large enough for you to lie down in.
4. After that you have to grunt and oink enough that someone like Emma feels sorry for you and comes and pours lots of black buckets full of water into your hole.
5. You have now made a wallow. Lie down in it and roll over making sure you are completely covered in mud. This is not only extremely pleasant and cooling but also provides the perfect protection from the sun – Emma calls it a piggy sun tan cream, whatever that means.

So there you go, get digging and have fun. Just remember, my snout will always be better than yours.


Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Raining Cats and Dogs

I don’t know what’s suddenly happened to the weather, but today it poured it down! Emma said it was raining cats and dogs, but the only cat I’ve seen is the one living in the shed with all our food. (I know cats don’t like pig food, but I’m still not sure I trust her with my dinner!) The rain kept falling and my pen has a massive puddle in it, Gelly’s silly piglets decided to try swimming in theirs, stupid as their mother!


Monday, 12 July 2010

Mini Snowballs

I don't believe it, those Middle Whites have both had piglets now. Worse still they're back to worshipping Snowball again. "What beautiful piglets. He's such a good Dad" ... no he's not ... he's galavanting about the country visiting his other girlfriends!

I bet they both believe in fairy tales too!


Thursday, 10 June 2010

Acorn's Family Tree

Hi I’m Kiwi.

While my mum (Acorn) and my aunt (Berry) are squabbling over food, as usual, I thought I’d give you a truthful account of what’s been going on recently – Acorn and Berry are so biased!

…….Berry’s been teasing Acorn over being a Grandpig and Acorn’s been getting a bit upset. To prove she’s still young Acorn’s gone and had some more piglets. It’s outrageous! My piglets’ Uncles and Aunts are younger than them, and my new brothers and sisters are younger than my children!

How would you like that? Our Family Tree is more like a Family Bush!


Friday, 23 April 2010

Granny Acorn

You’ll never guess what?! Acorn is a Granny! I couldn’t believe it either, but Kiwi has had piglets. Acorn is getting old! She doesn’t like it when I say that, because old pigs need less food, or so Emma thinks. She said that it means I’m a GREAT Auntie, but I thought that was obvious. I’m great at everything else, so I don’t see why this would be any exception. Acorn suggested that she needed extra dinner as a celebration, but all she got was some carrot peelings and I ate most of those.

Snowball has finally gone home, but those middle whites are even worse than before, moping and going on and on about how much they miss him, maybe he should come back, just to shut them up!

Anyway, it’s dinner time.
Must go.


Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Snowball the Middle White Boar

Those Middle Whites are getting on my wick! All they ever go on about is 'Snowball'.

"Snowball said this" ... "Snowball did that" .. "Isn't he handsome?" Just because he's got a few rosettes they think he's wonderful.

Jimmy (our handsome Berkshire boar) could get rosettes if he wanted to, but he's too macho!

Emma says that Snowball has only come to visit and will be going home soon.

Thank goodness for that!


Sunday, 21 February 2010

Holly's Child Prodigy

We had a visitor yesterday. Well we didn't really, he came to see one of the Little Holly's.... I've no idea why!
She was petted and tickled and had her photograph taken lots of times.
Holly has got all big headed now saying that she has got a child prodigy, whatever that means. I think she's got a podgy child really!
Emma said this man was Owning the Little Holly as a Birthday present (its called an 'Own a Pig Scheme' apparently). I think it's mad everyone knows that it's the pig that owns the person!
Acorn and Berry